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白と黒の夢の世界

2020年2月10日

小さい頃、よく見ていた夢がある。
今思い出してみれば、何とも不思議な夢だ。
あれの世界は何だったんだろう。
随分大きくなってからも度々見ていた記憶がある。
ストーリーはない。
でもとにかく「こわかった」という印象と「何かとても大切なこと」である気がして、アラフォー近づく今も尚、鮮明に思い出せるのだ。

こわいこわいこわいこわい！

いつも見ているから、わかっているはずなのにやっぱりこわい。

その夢はこうだ。

気づくと必ず真っ暗な世界にいる

もの凄くうるさく
とてつもなく汚い
見たこともない怪物のような
黒くてゴツゴツしたものたちが
私の頭の上で有象無象している

このけたたましい音は何だろう？
足元にあるこれは破壊されたものの残骸だろうか？
漂っているものは
煙なのか？
埃なのか？
異臭なのか？
わからない

今にも押しつぶされそうで、
叫んでも全く聞こえない
そこに人がいるのかさえわかならい

こわいこわいこわい

こわいこわいこわい

助けて、助けて、助けて

誰かここから出して

必死に祈ると、急にパッと世界が変わる。

打って変わって真っ白な世界

どこまでもどこまでも真っ白で
何もない

シーーーーーーーーンと
静まり返っていて物音ひとつしない

誰もいなければ
虫ケラ一匹の気配すらしない

むしろ上も下もないような感覚すらある

白なのか？もしくは透明なのか？

右に行っても
左に行っても、
前に行っても
後ろに行っても
どこまでも真っ白で何もない

呼んでも自分の声がこだまして
世界に吸い込まれ
すぅっと消えていくだけ

助けて、、、
誰かいないの？
私はどうしたらいいの？

ひとりだということを突きつけられるようで
声を出すことも躊躇する

あの世界も怖いけど

この世界も怖い

ひどい時は、何度もこの２つの世界を行ったり来たりする。

やめて、やめて、やめてくれ。

そうしてハッと気付いて
いつも起きるのだ。

しかし

起きてもなお、部屋のあの壁の端は

白黒の世界へ繋がっている気がして

また、あの世界に連れていかれてしまいそうで

この夢を見た日の夜は決まって眠れなかった。

白と黒の世界の夢ーーー
何を示していたものなのか？
どうして度々そんな夢を見ていたのか？
今となっても皆目見当がつかない。

友達は「次元を超えていたんじゃない？」という
例えばそうだったとしても、何の意味があって？

本当のところはどうなのだろう？

いつか答えを見つけたい。

“白と黒の夢の世界” に900件のコメントがあります

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