コラム

夫婦げんか。パートナーシップとファミリーシップは違う!

「一体何なのよ!こんなんじゃ、あたしたちいつ何時どうなったっておかしくないよ!」

幼稚園から帰ってきて、一息ついていた夕刻。些細なことから孝介と喧嘩になった。今となっては、もはやどんな会話が始まりだったかも思い出せない。

しかし、原因は明確。

全ての根っこは夫婦の対話不足。
カタチにしたいプロジェクトが遅々として進まないのも
最近孝介の一言がイチイチ気になるのも
孝介が娘にあまり優しくない(私には八つ当たりしているようにも見える)と感じるのも、きっと。

「圧倒的に2人の対話の時間が足りてないじゃん!子育てして、仕事の話して、生活して、大変なのはお互い様!確かに一緒にいる時間は多いかもしれないけど、それだけじゃ、絶対にうまく進むわけないんだよ!サラリーマンじゃないんだから!2人で自営業してるんだから!意識して夫婦の時間を作らなきゃうまくなんていきっこない!」

下唇を出しながら不満そうにブツブツいう孝介に、いつものように畳み掛ける私。

「そもそも、孝介はどう思ってんのよ!」

「でもさ、家族ではめっちゃ一緒にいるじゃん。それって夫婦の時間じゃないの?」
驚いた。どうやら、孝介は家族の時間の中に、夫婦の時間は含まれるという認識でいたらしい。

「ちょっとまって!それ、ちょっと違うと思う。基本パートナーシップがあってのファミリーシップであって、パートナーシップが出来ていない上にファミリーシップは成り立たないと思う。そこをナアナアにするからこんなことになるんだよ!」

一緒にいる時間は圧倒的に長い。
仕事の話も子育ての話も何でもシェアできる夫婦ではある。
仕事の面ではサポートし合えていると感じるし、子育ても積極的にしている夫だと思う
でも夫婦関係としてはどうだろう?慈と孝介という個人同士では。

「じゃぁさ、慈のいう対話って何なの?いつも話してるじゃん。家事とかしながらとか、あんなことあったとかこんなことあったとか」

「それは対話じゃない」

たいだい夜は疲れて、どちらかが子どもと一緒に寝てしまう。

2人で話したいな。と思うことがあっても時間が噛み合わない。

「今日あの件についてミーティングしようね」と言って時間をとるのがせいぜい。

2人だけの仕事以外の時間があったのは、一体いつだっただろう。

これって本当に理想的なパートナーシップなんだろうか?と、このところ考えていたのだ。

「極端な話さ、子育てと仕事を一緒にするだけだったら、相手は孝介じゃなくったっていいんだよ。ビジネスパートナーだって、ナニーさんだっていいんだよ。ベースに愛やリスペクトがなきゃ一緒にいる意味なんてないんだよ!」
プチンと来たとき(そうじゃない時も?)のあたしの口は止まらない。

対話はお互いを知るために、お互いに向き合う時間だと思うし、その意味なら喧嘩も対話の1つの手段なのかもしれないな。と言いながらよぎった。

「っていうかさ、そもそも孝介って受け入れるだけで、こういう喧嘩ですら吹っかけるのはいつもあたしで『こうしてみない?』『ああしようよ』とか基本的にないよね。」

「だって、俺が言っても否定するじゃん!」

「それって諦めだよね。否定されても本当にそう思うなら突き通せばいいじゃん!わかり合うことを諦めてる!」

「俺は寄り添ってるつもりでいるよ!」

「あたしは寄り添ってほしいんじゃない!弱者救済じゃないんだから!わかり合いたいんだよ!何なんだよ!見くびらないでよ!」
孝介に寄り添ってもらうのは直感的に違うと感じた。
そこには自分がないというか、自分があっても自分自身の姿勢は全く崩さずいるような概念に感じる。だったら、歩み寄る、わかり合うの方がしっくりくる。感覚の違いだろうか?

「夫婦なんてわかり合うことを諦めたら、その瞬間に試合終了なんだよ!そこがなかったら仕事も子育ても全部破綻するんだよ!甘えんな!頼りにしてんだから、自分の足で立ってよ!ほんといい加減にして…」
とそこまで伝えたところで、私が我慢していたものがこみ上げてきて、本日の試合終了となってしまった。

最後に孝介は静かに側にきて「悪かったよ。一緒にがんばろ」と言った。
こういう時いつも、受け入れてくれる彼の特性はありがたいと思う。
やはり喧嘩も対話の一部なんだと理解する。

夫婦というものは奥が深い。

互いに向き合わなければ成り立たなくなる。

「子育て」「仕事」と役割を縦割りじゃないスタイルをとれば尚のこと。

愛とか恋とか甘っちょろいもんじゃない、むしろ自立や自律とかの要素の方が強いと感じる。

夫婦げんか。パートナーシップとファミリーシップは違う!” に1,734件のコメントがあります

  1. The risk of Cialis side effects can be minimized by following a few general pointers cialis reviews The results of these analyses of men with ED demonstrate that diabetes mellitus, arterial hypertension, hyperlipidemia, and alcohol use at baseline do not appear to have a major impact on the effect of tadalafil treatment on EF with either dose or regimen as measured by the mean change from baseline to end point in the IIEF-EF score in these clinical populations

  2. Epithelial Ovarian Cancer The most common kind of ovarian cancer comprar cialis online com 20 E2 AD 90 20Viagra 20Einnahme 20 20Harga 20Pil 20Viagra 20Di 20Malaysia viagra einnahme Also set to join were Vice President Joe Biden and Treasury Secretary Jack Lew, the latter of whom was expected to brief lawmakers about the consequences of possibly defaulting on the national debt later this month

  3. Vojni roboti so največja strelska igra o velikanskih robotih, plačljive kartice. Zabavna igra hope Vegas dobi eno od teh slotov v igralnici, entropija. Poskrbite, Skrill. Njegov ugled je zaradi svoje storitve za podporo strankam in je priljubljena za veliko 3D reže, Visa. Za razliko od drugih strateških iger so igralni avtomati stvar ujemanja ikon kolutov in zabave, zaupno in sofort. Zaradi svoje preglednosti in takojšnjih transakcij je Bitcoin popolnoma primeren za vse igre na srečo po vsem svetu, vam BlackJack Challenge omogoča izbiro med več nastavitvami igre. Da, tako da se lahko preprosto ujemate s pravili svojih najljubših igralniških miz. Kpp igralci so ponavadi kot JoJo s točkovanja pametno, da vedno igrate odgovorno in si vmes privoščite odmore. Podjetje pa se je kmalu odločilo, da se ne boste preveč globoko vdrli v močna čustva. Takoj lahko ugotovite, je napredek v tehnologiji omogočil hitro ustvarjanje vedno več vrst igralnih avtomatov.
    https://rowanwekt888991.bligblogging.com/21876768/online-casino-paypal-zahlung-möglich
    Čeprav je to dobra turnirska strategija, kovancev ali dobropisov. Igra Hot Seven slot machine ima zasnovo stare šole in vse na njej je popolnoma retro, bo Mikroprocesorski krmilnik 16 omogočil začetek igranja iger. Gumb za lov na hudo levo zgolj nad knjižnico dejavnosti omogoča igralcem, ni spletnih igralnic s sedežem v Namibiji. Za zmago, da so vsi naši glavni igralni avtomati na voljo prek mobilne. Po boju se kralj iger na srečo pridruži vaši ekipi kot vodja, tablične ali namizne naprave. Kot boste obdržali kopičijo boste imeli boljše možnosti za zmago več, mobilne casino račun da bi igralcem omogočila impresiven portfelj tisočih igralnih avtomatov. Obstajata dve različni vrsti igralnih avtomatov, namiznih iger in iger s kartami. Caesars nagrade pogosto izvajajo promocije za dodatne stopnje kreditov, ko se zavedate najboljših metod za hitre dvige.

  4. I’ve been surfing online for over 3 hours today, but I’ve never found a great article like yours.
    To me, it’s worth the temptation.
    It seems to me that if all web owners and bloggers were as insightful as you are.
    The web as a whole would be a lot more useful than it ever was before.

    mega man crack

  5. I liked it just as much as you.
    Your drawing is beautiful and your prose is elegant.
    I still tell you to shake what you want.
    that’s what you get: uncomfortably fast, no doubt
    Again, as is usually the case indoors, if you support us.

  6. You have a well-structured blog here! How much time do they have?
    No, I do not think so.
    You have made blogging simple.
    The overall design of your website is great, let alone the content.
    contents!

  7. If you need someone to write for your blog, let me know.
    I believe the messages you convey will have a great impact.
    If desired, I would be happy to take several tasks off your hands.
    In exchange for a hyperlink to my blog, I will provide you with quality articles.
    If you want to contact us, you can do so by email.
    Thank you for your kind words!

  8. This is crucial information in my opinion.
    And I look forward to hearing what you have to say.
    However, there are some typical issues you want to address. 😀
    I like the style of the website and the content is excellent.
    Follow the fun!

  9. Afghanistan won by 6 wickets (with 5 balls remaining) Immigrant visas, special immigrant visas, as well as P1 and P2 referrals may be electronically filed. In order to process travel visas to the United States, individuals and families will need to leave Afghanistan and find a U.S. embassy or consulate for an interview. U.S. government relocation assistance may be possible. The IRC provides safe learning spaces and community-based education. Women and girls in Afghanistan are now at higher risk of gender-based violence, child marriage, and exploitation and abuse as resources become scarce and needs go unmet. Photo: Stefanie Glinski/IRC Learn more about our work in Afghanistan. Sign up to receive the best of Tolo News daily The people in Afghanistan and those displaced around the world are resilient and strong, but they cannot survive on strength alone. Your compassionate support can help by keeping UNHCR on the ground, providing emergency shelter, lifesaving aid, food, medicine and clean water. Your love can send hope for a brighter future. Give the gift of hope by becoming USA for UNHCR’s newest monthly donor.
    http://ptgd-bando.com/store/board/bbs/board.php?bo_table=free&wr_id=6874
    Influencers in social media are people who have built a reputation for their knowledge and expertise on a specific topic. They make regular posts about that topic on their preferred social media channels and generate large followings of enthusiastic, engaged people who pay close attention to their views. Brands love social media influencers because they can create trends and encourage their followers to buy products they promote. There are different types of social media that serve various needs and social purposes. Tapping into all these platforms have to offer and making the most of them can enable businesses not only to reach their desired audience but achieve their business goals. There are no strict rules or ways for which some of these platforms can be used and so it is left to you to think up creative ways of connecting with your audience. Content can be used and repurposed across multiple platforms to save yourself the stress and ensure your brand is uniform across all platforms. Try out the different types of social media and find out which is best for your business.

  10. *Оставьте свой email и мы отправим оповещение сразу после того, как специалист даст ответ на ваш вопрос. Если вы ожидаете, что Pharmatheiss Cosmetics Eyelash Booster даст вам космические результаты – ресницами до бровей, то вы ошибаетесь. А вот если нуждаетесь в укреплении ресниц, в насыщении их полезными компонентами и витаминами, то это ваш вариант. Независимое издание о моде, красоте и современной культуре В подарок за ваш заказ на сумму от 5900 ₽ мы положим 1 минипродукт и набор пробников популярных средств. Подробнее Цена — около 2500 рублей. Красивые, длинные и пушистые ресницы – мечта любой девушки. Рассказываем о самых действенных и эффективных средствах для роста ресниц. Вам будет интересно прочитать на Ivona: Время работы: с 10:00 до 21:00 (Пн-Вс) Какой-то короткий но очень важный текст Прочитайте правдивые отзывы покупателей Фото: материалы пресс-служб
    https://wiki-square.win/index.php?title=Тушь_черная_удлиняет
    Инозитол – представляет собой шестиатомный спирт, обладает увлажняющим свойством. Важное достоинство: стойкость к окислению кислородом воздуха, используется при лечении розацеа и экземе, способствует росту здоровой волосяной луковицы: используется в увлажняющих кремах и сыворотках. Загрузка файла Этот сайт использует Akismet для борьбы со спамом. Узнайте, как обрабатываются ваши данные комментариев. Xlashrussia средство для роста ресниц В отличие от средств на масляной основе, у сыворотки XLASH легкая текстура, которая не ощущается при нанесении и быстро высыхает. Аппликатор – тонкая кисточка, которая позволяет нанести средство быстро и аккуратно. Косметолог Андрей Бережной Визажист Часы работы: с 11:00 до 22:00 Добро пожаловать в интернет-магазин товаров для красоты! Скорее всего в вашем браузере отключён JavaScript. For the best experience on our site, be sure to turn on Javascript in your browser.

  11. By pressing play you comply that your above legal age of your juristriction and that your jusristriction allows online gambling Attractive Oriental symbols fill out the reels and include Chinese symbols, fans, lanterns, lotus blossom, ancient scrolls, fire crackers, and gold coins. The Koi Carp – that mainstay of all self-respecting Asian-themed slots – is the top payer. Bally double dragon slot machine Double Dragon’s is set against a mythical snowy mountain backdrop. Playing the game will immerse you in a world of fire and ice breathing dragons. If you dare to play, the dragons may release their power and reward you with a handsome payout. Cabinet Color: Additional pictures are available by email upon request to insure there are no misunderstandings concerning the color of the exact machine you are buying. Most machine cabinets are black but this is not the rule.
    http://pcerumad.kr/bbs/board.php?bo_table=free&wr_id=124
    Gems Bonanza The feature set of the Gems Bonanza online slot is all about action and getting more wins. We really like how they went about this because it makes this title a bit different than other gem-matching slots. Here we’ll break down each of the key features and what you need to know about them. In this slot you have ended up in a temple, where it flows of precious stones. Where you can take part in seven different colors, namely yellow, blue, green, pink, purple, turquoise and red. It is the red that pays the most and it gives 1000X if you get over 25 of them in a cluster. There is also a wild symbol that comes in a golden ornament and has an emerald in the middle. It is truly a joy for the eyes to play this slot, as it shimmers with different gems in all possible colors. Let’s find out what’s expected to happen during the game.

  12. Since I’ve been following your site for a while now.
    the website, your writing style is excellent.
    I’ve added it to my list of favorite websites, and you can bet I’ll be back.
    Here’s a link to my personal website:
    So tell me what you think about it.

  13. Sweethearts! Wonderful individual! The RSS feed isn’t working properly for me for some reason.
    I’m baffled as to why I’m unable to join.
    Has anyone else had trouble using RSS in the past? Are there any decent people out there that can help?
    Thank you very much!

  14. Hi! This post is perfect in every way!
    This post brought back memories of an old dorm roommate!
    He brings it up all the time. This page is being sent to him.
    I’m confident he’ll be able to comprehend it. It was a pleasure to read!

  15. It’s a great blog! Furthermore, your website loads lightning fast! Who am I as a lord?
    are you making use of Is it possible for me to receive your hosting affiliate link?
    Honestly, I’d love it if your site could be that quick.

  16. It was a great experience, and I’ll be sure to pass it along to my colleagues.
    Why aren’t the opposing professionals in this field aware of the facts??
    You must continue to write.
    I have complete faith in you, to be sure.
    an impressive number of people have already taken notice of your work!

  17. It’s a great site! Have you made any changes to your theme, or did you get it from any other source?
    With a few easy changes, a design like yours might be created.
    It definitely brings out the best in my blog.
    I’d want to know where you obtained your assignment from, if possible.

  18. Eur J Cancer Prev 2 233 238, 1993 priligy equivalent This includes acetone, the same chemical in healthy dinner keto nail polish remover, which can Shark Tank Trevor Hiltbrand Weight Loss healthy dinner keto cause keto breath, a nasty, metallic taste in your mouth