— 札幌トモエ幼稚園：登園日誌 —

ケンカの後のごめんなさい

2018年7月19日

「ぎゃー！！」

１歳になったばかりの息子が泣いた。
「つがいの家」に泊まりにきていた４歳の男の子に
突然腕をむんずと引っ張られたのだ。

男の子の息子への攻撃は昨夜から数えて何度目だろう。

彼の両親も都度
「どうしてそんなことするの？ごめんなさいしてきて」
と促すが、またやる。

しかし、今回ばかりは姉（娘）が黙っていなかった。
両親に注意されて拗ねた様子で娘と遊ぼうとして近づいた男の子に対して「来ないで！」とピシャリ。

それでもちょっかいをかけるその子に対し、バシッ！と先制攻撃。
叩かれても（叩かれたからこそ？）ちょっかいをかける男の子。
そんなことを繰り返しているうちに取っ組み合いのケンカに発展した。

少し戸惑いの表情を見せる友人夫婦に
「少し見守ってみよう」と提案しことの成り行きを見守る。
倒れたり押されたりした際に怪我だけしないように、周囲のおもちゃをどかしたり、テーブルやソファーの角を抑えたり、僕はプロレスのレフェリーになったかのように、２人の最も近くで見守った。

本気で相手の目を見て攻撃を繰り出す娘。
こちらを振り返る素振りは微塵もない。
一方、しばしば両親の顔を伺いながら応戦する男の子。
助けを求めている様子ではない。

格闘は10分近く続いただろうか。
最後は馬乗りになって攻撃を加えていた娘が泣き出して終了した。
後半、男の子はただただ娘の制裁に耐えていたように見えた。
娘は、慈に抱きつき大泣き。
男の子の方は、泣きもせず何食わぬ顔でおもちゃコーナーへ。

男の子のお母さんがまた「ごめんなさいは？」と言いそうだったので
それを制すように「大丈夫。きっと全部わかってると思うから。」と男の子にも聞こえるように声をかけた。

「これだけ本気で誰かとぶつかったのは初めてかもしれない」お母さんは言った。
その間もふらふらと所在なさそうにしている男の子。

 

『子どもは、大人から敬意をはらわれている度合いに応じて
自分の人格を意識し、自分自身を尊重するようになる』

トモエ幼稚園で園長の口癖
スイスの精神医学者・ポールトゥルニエ博士の言葉が頭をよぎったから
正直、 男の子のことを信頼してもう少し待ってみたかった。

でも「ごめんさい言った？」男の子のお母さんに先手を打たれてしまった。
「いいよ、いいよ。わかってると思うから。ホント無理に言わせなくていいよ」
僕も慈も強制はしないようにお願いした。
男の子はわかっている。
それは態度に現れている。そんな確信があった。

「はい、どうぞ」
男の子はようやく少し泣き止んだ娘のところへおもちゃを持ってきた。
おお、動いた。一同固唾をのんで見守る。

「どう？これで許してだって」
慈が娘に尋ねた。
娘は首を横に振った。

すると男の子は別なおもちゃを持ってまたやってきた。
無言で受け取る娘。
そしてまたおもちゃコーナーから違うおもちゃを持ってやってくる。

「あれ！？また来たね～（笑）許してあげよっか？」
３度目で、娘の表情に笑みがこぼれる。
今度は小さく首を縦に振った。
それをきっかけに場の空気がガラリと変わった。

２人はその後30分ほど、遊んでいた。
僕の目にはケンカの前よりも親密そうに見えた。

帰りがけ「ねぇ、また遊びにきてね」と
慈が男の子に声をかけると
「えー」とハニカミながら
「やだー。いきたくない」と言った。

「そうか、帰りたくないってことだね」
とお母さんが言った。

ケンカ、できてよかったね。
これは、僕たちにとってトモエでの経験が
場をかえて実践できた貴重な体験となった。

男の子にはどんな経験になっただろう？
友だち夫婦にはどう映っただろう？
いつも大切なことを教えてくれるのは子どもたちだ。

“ケンカの後のごめんなさい” に257件のコメントがあります

  1. よくわかるケンカの内容です。うちも昔、保母の友達の
    子と2歳うえのうちの息子が同じ感じ。やらせてみようと言ったのは保母の友達
    まわりを片付けて
    反則を使わないよう見ていました
    うちの息子が年上というくだりで押さえ付け相手は泣いて母親へ
    友達の言葉がすばらしかった

    がんばったね
    えらいね
    怒らないのです

    最後に二人はごめんなさいに握手
    人間の付き合いはケンカせねばわからないものだ
    小さいうちだからこそ
    何が嫌なことなのか何をしたらダメなのか学んだ事でしょう

    親の方が待つ力も備えないとならないですね
    私も子ども時代 島牧でそうやって育ちました
    負けない気持ちはそこからが原点ですね。

  2. こんにちは。はじめましてですね

    現在中2 男 の母です
    トモエ 緑組後半に 息子も 取っ組み合いしました
    その時の写真 園長室に…

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