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まむしのすみか01:妻とぬるいコーヒー(1/3)

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まむしのすみか01:妻とぬるいコーヒー(全3回1/3)

 

コーヒーとかけて夫婦関係と解く、その心は?

「久しぶりにトモエだよりを書こう」と思ったのは、畳のある絵本コーナーで園長のコーヒーを飲んでいたときでした。僕は一日一杯、いや、多分それ以上コーヒーを飲みます。トモエ幼稚園にいるときも、園長が淹れてくれたコーヒーを飲むのを楽しみにしています。コーヒーがないと毎日が始まらないと感じるし、ランチがわりにコーヒーを飲んでお腹を満たすことさえあります。もはやカフェイン中毒を自認するくらいにコーヒーが大好きなのです。

コーヒーを飲んでいてふと、妻との関係はコーヒーに似ているんじゃないか、と閃きました。基本は好き、好きなんだけど、ぬるくなると美味しくない。逆に熱すぎると、香りも味もわからない。付き合い始め、新婚ほやほやの時って、沸騰したお湯で注いだような、熱々のコーヒーだったのだろうと思います。それが1年経ち、3年経ち、5年も経つと、様々な外的要因があって、もう熱々ではいられない。ぬるくなって美味しくないって感じることが増えてくるのです。

 

気づいてしまったぬるい関係

「ぬるいコーヒーになったな」と気づいてしまったのが、2018年12月のことでした。ケンカのきっかけは些細なことなんですが、その些細なことが積もり積もって勃発してしまうのが夫婦喧嘩だと思います。そして一度表面化させてしまうと、修復はそう簡単にいかないのです。なぜなら、これまでの5年の結婚生活の間に、小手先の修復を繰り返してコーヒーカップはつぎはぎ状態になってしまっているから。きっと小手先ではダメなんだと思ったものの、次に打つ手立てが見つからない。みなさんはこういうときにどうしているんでしょうか?とりあえず仕事に逃げる?仲がいい友人や同僚にお酒でも飲みながら愚痴を聞いてもらう?いやいや、どちらも何の解決にもならないなと感じました。「男性は自己完結型である」と何かの本に書いてあったのですが、人に頼ることが非常に苦手な僕はより「自己完結型」なのだろうと思います。だからこそ、本当に思い悩んだとき、相談先が思い当たらないのです。それでも仕事の悩みなら、ほうぼうで活躍している諸先輩方がいる。しかし、こと家庭の悩みや夫婦関係の悩みとなると、なおさら相談先が難しいなと感じました。悩んでいると、冷戦真っ最中の慈が「園長に相談したら?」と言い投げました。言うこと為すこと喧嘩の火種になっていたこのときでしたが、「ああ、その手があったか」と素直に受け入れることができ、僕は、「じゃあ行く。今すぐ行く」と言って冬休み中のトモエに父一人、園長に会いに行きました。

 

※本文はトモエだよりに寄稿したものを、個人固有名称など一部編集しています。

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