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まむしのすみか02:妻とぬるいコーヒー(2/3)

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まむしのすみか02:妻とぬるいコーヒー(2/3)

 

実家に帰らせていただきます

人に相談するというのは難しいもので、僕は何をどこから話して良いのやら悩みを相談するための悩みが生まれるというよくわからない状態に陥ります。それでもえいやっと話しはじめると、マイナスばかり考えていた心が少し前に進んだような気がしました。相談してすぐに何かが好転するとか、解決するなんてことはないと思っています。けれども、人に話すことで自分の考えがまとまったり、解決のヒントになるものが閃いたりするものです。「言っても大丈夫かな」とか「どう思われるかな」と不安にならずに、センシティブな内容を相談できる相手がいるというのは本当に幸せなことだと感じました。

園長に相談した後、僕は「実家に帰ろう」と思いました。園長に「別居しなさい」とか「別れなさい」とか言われたわけではありません。妻とはいえ、元々は別の家庭で育った他人だったのであって、違いがあって当然であるということに園長との話の中で改めて気づかされたのです。「わかっていると思っていた」「普通そうでしょ?」なんてことも本当はあり得ないことなんだとわかると、すれ違いの原因も少し理解できるというもの。相手のことよりも、まずは自分の幼少期に育った環境がどうだったのか知りたい、と思い、正月3日に福島県にある実家に飛び立ちました。

 

想定外の”あのひと”との再会

妻も子どもも連れずに実家に帰ったのは本当に久しぶりで、夫でも父でもない、一人の子どもに戻れたような気がしました。両親に幼少期のことを聞くなど、重要な時間を過ごすことができ、やっぱりこの家、この家族で育ったことは自分自身のコアとなる部分を形作っているんだなぁと実感しました。

実家に帰って、一つ事件がありました。新しくできたコワーキングスペースに伺って、この場を経営している友人と話していると、地元で最も会いたくない男と遭遇してしまったのです。彼は僕が以前所属していた団体の元副代表で、北海道に移住する際にすったもんだあった人でした。その団体は、2017年に代表の横領が明らかになり、新聞を賑わせ、大騒ぎになりました。初期メンバーであった僕も裁判に巻き込まれるところでした。僕が団体を離れてから5年半。彼とは一度もコンタクトを取っていませんでした。その彼がまさか目の前に!さすがに無視するわけにもいかず、

「ご無沙汰しています」

と深々とご挨拶をしました。すると…

まむしのすみか02:妻とぬるいコーヒー(2/3)” に71件のコメントがあります

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